Everything Fades Away

This is another ‘Song that says everything’ from Mariah Carey. It goes well with the mood I’m in right now. A somber mood, feeling hurt, betrayed by someone you thought you knew. Being tired of putting up with the same lies and dishonesty, being tired of hearing “I’m sorry”, being tired of saying “Okay, I forgive you”. I can’t anymore… “Everything fades away”.

Baby don't tell me you miss me you love me, Don't whisper gently that you can't forget me, Tonight,  tonight cause I've heard it all before. Just turn away don't play that game, Baby I don't want to anymore.

Let it all fade away, don’t you know that love is gone, it’s too late. Everything fades away; nothing ever stays the same Baby.

Don't tell me you're sorry you hurt me, how many times can I give in, how many battles can you win, Oh don't beg for mercy, Tonight, tonight cause I can't take any more.
Just turn around don't break me down, Baby I don't love you like before.

 (P.S This has nothing to do with the EX) 

The friend who went away

We had so many great times but now you have to go. I want you to know that I cherish every moment spent with you and I will always hold those memories close to my heart. I’m glad to call you my friend, one of my best friends, someone who in such a short space of time, came into my life and cemented your place in my heart.

Our friendship has not been perfect, but is there such a thing as perfection? We have had obstacles that tested what we had but the bond we shared proved too much to let anything end our friendship.

It’s time for you to go and I just want you to know that I love you and that I’m going to miss you. Miss hanging with you, miss talking to you and miss seeing you. I know with you going away, nothing is going to change. Even though we didn’t see each other every single day, knowing you were just a phone call or a BBM away, made things so much easier. Knowing you’re going away, the distance between us is going to leave an unexplainable emptiness, but until you return, I want you to know that I Love you and miss you already.

Letter to the Ex (Part 5)

A year and months have passed since we parted ways, yet still there are uncertainties in my mind about you. I must say, I’m in a better place emotionally, but I try never to lie to myself, so I’ll say it… Thoughts of you still lingers.

I still love you, and I know you still say that you love me too, but my complaints still stands. I’m tired of hearing it, when you start showing it, then your words will have more meaning. I still smile when you say “I Love You” but I know ITS JUST WORDS.

Thinking about it, Am I still ‘IN LOVE’ with you? No, I’m not. Do I still ‘HAVE LOVE’ for you? Without a doubt, I do.  You were the first to capture my heart and with that, there’s a place in there for you, no matter what. I’ve accepted what we are, two confused individuals who due to current and past circumstances, can’t be together again. Or can we? Hahhahahaahahah

As I’ve said many times, what is to be will be. We are currently happy apart and I’m content with that. Just know that I still have love for you.  <3

A Song that says EVERYTHING

If you know me, you’d know how much I love Mariah Carey and the music she produces. If you’re too young to know the Mariah Carey of yesteryear, then to get a hint of the type of music she produced, think of her as the Adele of the 90’s. She was able to sing a song and capture in every essence your exact feelings, whether you’re in love or going through a breakup. You can always find a Mariah Carey song that makes you wonder “Is she in my head, how is it she’s feeling what I’m feeling?” Her song ‘Breakdown’ off her 1997 album ‘Butterfly’ does that for me. After my breakup, the song touched me, and said everything that I was feeling. Just read the lyrics and read them again.

You called yesterday to basically say that you care for me but… that you're just not in love.
Immediately, I pretended to be feeling similarly and led you to believe I was ok to just walk away from the one thing that's unyielding and sacred to me.

Well, I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it and I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you, but in reality I'm slowly losing my mind underneath the guise of a smile gradually, I'm dying inside.
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering. So, I wear my disguise Til I go home at night and turn down all the lights and then I break down and cry.

So, what do you do when somebody you're devoted to suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue of the pain that rejection is putting you through. Do you cling to your pride and sing "I Will Survive"? Do you lash out and say "How dare you leave this way"? Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away?

Afraid to love again

I’ve been single for a while and quite frankly, I’m getting TIRED of the single life. I want to give the whole relationship thing another try, but why can’t I? What’s holding me back? I’ve narrowed it down to one thing: I’m afraid of loving again and being hurt again. 

Some might find it unfathomable for a guy to say he’s afraid to love again because he doesn’t want to be hurt, but keep in mind that that we do have feelings no matter how hard we try to hide it because it’s ‘un-man-like’. I have no problems with letting my feelings be known instead of bottling them up until I can’t take it anymore.

 I’ve been in love twice and both times, I fell hard. On both occasions I expected too much and was left disappointed. At the end of everything, I realized I was lied to, used and taken for a fool. With that, I’ve built a wall around my heart that I have no of letting down. (Unless…)

 Feeling used is one of the most hurtful feelings. Imagine opening up to someone, telling them of your past and thinking that you could trust them. Imagine having someone who seemed so interested in knowing YOU, only to find out that they had ulterior motives. All the ‘I Love You’, simply lies told to paint a picture of something that was never there. Imagine finding out that EVERYTHING was a lie, all the pillow talks and the ‘hurt’ you were told, were all lies. Lies to suck you in and make you feel sorry for them. Everything was a lie; the premise of the ‘relationship’ was based on lies. Imagine coming to the conclusion that you were just being used for sex. 

 I’m scared to love again out of fear of being hurt again. That’s a road I don’t ever want to go down again. I was young and inexperienced to the reality of how people can really be, with that, I was taken advantage of. I’ve learned a lot and now I know the necessary precautions to take, but in the back of my mind I can’t help but think… I’m going to be hurt again. Should we all just accept that being hurt is a part of life, that it’s inevitable? Accept that it’s okay to be hurt, but show your strength. Show that you’re able to pick yourself up and move on and not let THAT experience hinder you from loving and being loved again. I think it’s time that I take my own advice. 

Letter To The Ex (Part 4)

I've been thinking a lot and I've been really watching the things you do and been paying close attention to how you treat me. I'm tired of making how I feel about you be known, hoping you'd change and treat me how I want to be treated but more and more it seems like a lost cause. I don't think I'm asking for much, all I wanted you to do was SHOW me how you feel about me instead of telling me. You say you love me, but you don't show it. If I don't instigate a meeting with you, I don't ever see you. I feel like I'm the one forcing the issue and holding on to something that isn't there while you on the other hand, I feel like you're simply leading me on. I could have moved on a long time ago, but I make two steps forward then you come and tell me the things I want to hear and me being so gullible, fall for it every time.
I wish things could go back to the old ways, I wish I could wake up to a “Good morningJ” from you; I wish you would miss me and say "hey, I want to see you ". I wish u would just want to hang out with me just to see my face or for old time sake. That's all I ever wanted from you... To feel loved, not to just hear it all the time.

I feel stupid that I make the effort to see you by showing up at places I know you'll be, by making up excuses to see u... (Sad huh?) And when I do see you and we have a nice time together, when we part ways, I don't hear from you again until I say hi again.

I love you, but honestly I'm tired of trying with you. I think I'm wasting my time with you... I feel like because you know I love you, you think you don't have to do too much with me. I'm TIRED! (8) If I can't have you the way I want you, I don't want you at all (8)...

I think it’s now time I moved on, I've tried enough and don't see the sense of trying anymore. I will always love you, but I have to love and RESPECT myself because clearly, you don't.  I wish you all the best and hope you're happy in everything that you do. Goodbye to THAT PART of our lives.... It’s gone.

Your Friend's Relationship

Your friend’s relationship is a very touchy situation that I think you should at all cost try not to get involved with, well, unless it’s a threesome! Then by all means, go ahead! ;-)

On a serious note, I’m very perturbed when someone UNINVITINGLY interferes with a relationship, becoming too opinionated on the happenings of your friend’s love life. It’s a case of you thinking that you know what’s right for your friend, you try to tell them what to do, how they should feel and you tell them how they should act on that feeling. You’re setting yourself up for a rude awakening and haven’t even noticed.

When you’re in a relationship, no one knows how you truly feel, but YOU, so do not allow anyone to tell you how you should feel or what you should be doing in YOUR relationship. Taking advice to help you make up your mind is fine, but your friend’s opinion should never be the single factor in making a decision. On the flipside, you the friend, should always be respectful of their relationship and partner and never overstep certain boundaries. Respect your friend’s relationship, partner, decisions and most importantly, their feelings. Giving your honest opinion is good, always ensure you’re thoughtful and respectful and know YOUR place.

THINGS TO AVOID:

1) Never, and I mean NEVER tell your friend to leave their partner!

2) When they’re having problems, and one party is angry with the other and says bad things, never add fuel to fire, because when they reconcile, your bad comments will be remembered.

3) Never disrespect the person your friend loves.

4) Do NOT disrespect someone because you can’t understand why they love someone.

Letter to the Ex (Part 3)

More and more I'm so glad you're my EX because I now see the real you and see why I actually ended things, and it’s obvious you have no plans of changing. You're slowly making me hate you and you know it, but you're brushing it off because I mistakenly opened up my heart to you and allowed you to know it like the back of your hand, so you know what to do find your way back. I hate myself for being so blinded by ‘love’.

I don't want to see your face anymore, I don't want to hear your voice, and I don't want to hear your name... I want to kick myself whenever I think of you. You sick me. You make me regret that day, that day when we first met. I wish time could be reversed to allow me to do things differently that day, things that would have hindered us from seeing each other’s face because I would be better off right now. Don’t talk to me again, leave me alone, and get out of my life, PLEASE! 

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Sad part is, I didn't mean any of that. Why can't I say all those things and mean them? Does my telling you all that make any sense? I’m just going to be mad at you, then you’re going to say the right things again, then things are going to be cool… then its déjà vu all over again. SMH.

Why can't I let go? What have you done to me?